Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
UGH.........where do I even start? I've been going through a really tough time this week sadly. One positive thing (or so I thought) of me being home for the holidays was that I was actually sleeping again. I know it sounds weird, but when I was at Bluffton, I would fall asleep, and then it felt like I woke up five minutes later. This lasted for months. About a couple of days after being home, I had a really cool dream that was set up like a movie (like all of my dreams)that I would love to tell right now, but 1. I don't just wanna tell it, I want to write it down like a story, and 2. I'm kinda tired right now, and I wanna get what happened last night out of my head (hopefully).

So last night, I fell asleep with the tv on, and woke up, watched a little tv, then fell back asleep. when I fell asleep again, I had a "nightmare". I don't know if anyone else would call it a nightmare, and I know I wouldn't have if only it hadn't involved HIM. Yes, the horrible ex, Cory. Now it feels like even when I haven't thought of him in months, he manages to sneak back into my live. WHY CAN'T HE LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?!?! Anyways, here's the "nightmare"

So it starts out at a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with all my family (even the ones I never see). For some reason, my mom had invited Cory, thinking that we were still dating. Well sure as hell, it was awkward. So then, everyone quiets down, and my mom calmly announces that I am pregnant, and Cory is the father (how she knows this when I don't, I don't know. How I *holdsbackvomit* slept with Cory, I don't know or want to know.)So I burst into tears and run to a nearby room & hide in the closet. A couple minutes later, Cory comes into the room, and tells me that whatever I choose, he'll support me, and he was sorry, and then, we started to cuddle. Now, I'm the kind of person who doesn't even want to kill spiders (even though they're gross), so of course I would never even think about abortion, not even in my dreams. So then, it goes into montage mode, and basically fast forwards to me having the baby. yay. So we found a couple to adopt the baby, and we were going to give the baby away, and it was really sad and emotional scene when we had to give Alice away (yes, I really, really, really wanna name my first daughter Alice). I told him how I was worried that I would never have my daughter (I only want 1 or 2 kids, and I really want a daughter), but at the same time, I didn't want to replace her. So then he proposed to me and then the dream flashed forward to 18 years later. We had been happily married, and had twin boys, Jackson and James (ok, I know I just said, I want a couple kids, but I either want 2 girls or 1 girl and twin boys. I know, I know, I'm picky!)So, now we've tracked down Alice, and finally met her, and she forgave us, and we kept in touch all the time and blah blah blah...........

Ugh...I'm sick of even thinking about this anymore. I'm not normally into dream symbolism because my dreams normally aren't this coherent, but I can think of some reasons I might have had this dream: Last night, I watched an episode of House (I'm addicted) where several babies were sick; I watched Knocked Up a week ago, and Cory's a bigger guy with curly hair, kinda like Seth Rogen; I've always had a really strong maternal instinct; I even went and cried in the closet in my dream the other day when I was upset. The ONLY thing I can't explain is, drumroll please, Cory. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And my headache's gotten worse, so I'm gonna go to sleep now.

Soooooo yeah, today I took my exam for Catholic Literature (Focusing on Walker Percy, Flannery O'Connor, and Tim Gautreaux), and it KILLED me. All exams are supposed to take 2 hours, right? Well this one took 2 HOURS AND 45 FREAKING MINUTES!!!!!!!! We had to write 5 short answer responses (which weren't really short because they had to be at least a paragraph), and 2 essays (which were worth 35 points A PIECE). I. ALMOST. DIED. LITERALLY. I was sooooo stressed, I thought my brain was gonna explode. so, yeah, I don't really have time to post anything or write or make anything new, so sorry if you were looking forward to that. Once I get home & become thoroughly relaxed, I'm sure that I'll be posting in no time! :)

<3 Lyssa aka Alice <3

shivers & vanilla twilight
Just wanted to share a couple things! first off is a poem I wrote not too long ago called Shivers. I think it's decent, but I might end up changing/fixing it later. Unlike my sonnet, there is no rhyming in this poem. I only did in my sonnet because I had to :P. Anyways, here it is!

When I let my mind wander,
I think back to when we were happy.
I think that when we were together,
It was the happiest I had been in a long while.
And it starts out so innocent;
I think about a joke you made,
And all of the sudden,
I feel it.
Phantom shivers crawl over my body.
Your hand was on my hand,
My cheek,
My lips.
And sometimes I even hear your voice.
It feels like you’re still here,
And I have to vanish these thoughts and feelings,
Because if I don’t,
I might think that you actually loved me.

God! I was sooooo emo back then! haha...actually, that's not too bad compared to some of my others. But do not fear, I have non-emo poetry! But this next thing isn't a poem, it's a picture i made! I looooove the song Vanilla Twilight by Owl City sooooo much!!! it's sooo adorable!!!! See? Now the hopeless romantic's kicked in! anyways, here's a really pretty picture of a "vanilla twilight" that i added my favorite lyrics (in no particular order)by using www.picnik.com which you should check out (after looking at this, that is)!

(hopefully it shows up! if not, i'll put it on my livejournal picture thingy) I don't really remember where i found the original, but i looked up vanilla twilight in google images & found it on the second page i think. Anyways, thanks for reading & please comment & friend me if you want! i'm nice! i don't bite, i swear!

<3 Lyssa aka Alice <3

hello hello helloooooo!
sooooooooo yeeeaahhhhhh.............................hi. My name's Alyssa, but you can call me Lyssa or Alice.....or whatever really. I'm a sophmore English major at Bluffton University, which you might know from the baseball bus crash a couple years back, or maybe you don't even know it at all (I don't blame you if you don't). I don't really know what I'm gonna do with my life. AT. ALL. yay. I'm pretty informal when I write online, but not to the point where type lyk dis. I like writing. a lot. buuuuuuut...........i'm always busy with homework, so i don't really get a chance to write everything that i want to, and a lot of my great ideas come when i'm daydreaming in the middle of class. Here's a sonnet, called Searching for Spring, that i wrote in class (fortunately it was an assignment for that class, not just me daydreaming again).

It’s getting cold and leaves begin to fall.

Your memories will not leave me alone.

I wait for you, but you will never call.

When winter comes I hope this will be done,

So I won’t have to stand out in the snow.

The lights were on, but now nobody’s home;

There’s still so much of you I’ll never know.

And nothing’s left here for me so I’ll roam,

But as I wander, nothing can I find.

The whiteout blinds me so that I am lost.

I try not to regret what lies behind,

And will move on no matter what the cost.

And maybe someday soon my heart will thaw,

So I can leave behind winter and fall.

so yeah, i really liked it at first, but then i had to fix it up a bit, and the more that i messed with it, the less i liked it. but for some background info, fall and winter are gloomy enough (i'm a summer girl), but the changing of the seasons reminded me how hard it was for me to get over my breakup with Kory. and looking back, i went through quite a few phases. first was shock. the breakup came out of nowhere, and i kept thinking that it was all a bad dream, or he would come back the next day and beg for my forgiveness. I waited for him for a couple weeks, but near the end I was losing hope. Then i started to realize that i should have saw this coming, and i didn't know him as well as i thought i did. I was still confused and had a bajillion questions i wanted to ask him, but he cut off all contact with me. then near the end, i finally started to gain a little hope and tried my hardest to move on.

wow............that was ridiculously depressing. anyways, the past is in the past now. no more emo (and no more emo boys, they're too complicated and too much drama)! so yeah, not all of my stuff will be emo or romantic, but i'm a hopeless romantic at heart, and it's my favorite topic! well, i hope you'll consider adding me as a friend (please let there be someone reading this and i'm not just talking to myself)!

<3 Lyssa aka Alice <3


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